Press Release
(Hamburg, Germany) Under the motto “Digital self-defense is a civic duty,” the German government is launching its new “BundesBlocker” project for more protection on the Internet today. The project not only aims to combat malware, phishing and other home network dangers. In particular, the spying of intimate surfing habits by US American data collectors and annoying in-video advertising are also to be prevented everywhere.
At the center of the new German defense strategy is the free open source solution eBlockerOS, which has been proven for years with its network-wide approach. Under participation of early retired federal officials, the software will be installed on special Raspberry Pi 4.1 BRD mini computers developed under federal contract in the near future. In a high-glaze design case made of recycled Corona masks, the mini-computer will become the “BundesBlocker,” to be distributed free of charge to all households.
The Federal Commissioner for Data Protection, Prof. Kelber, commented: “Our data protection laws are certainly fantastic, but they are not being enforced by the sleepy authorities. The Yanks are behaving like in the Wild West and our citizens have no chance to defend themselves – we finally had to act.” And he modestly adds, “The idea for the BundesBlocker actually came from me.”
“Wiretapping among friends is a no-go – but it constantly happens when I surf,” comments German Chancellor Scholz, explaining, “That’s why I tried the BundesBlocker myself – and was immediately thrilled. No more annoying ads on UHorn – even with my iPad on the loo. Now I can finally enjoy my love clips with Wumms without being watched. No wonder I was able to win the head of MM Warburg Bank for the generous financing of the BundesBlocker. After all, there has been something very, very special between us for years – only I can’t remember …” 🤔
The Federal Procurement Agency has already started project planning. According to initial projections, successful completion is expected in 14.22 years. Distribution of the BundesBlocker to households is then planned for 2040-2050.
For all those whose privacy cannot wait that long, Federal Interior Minister Nancy Faeser has a good tip: “You can already build a BundesBlocker yourself. Just get a Raspi, install eBlockerOS and you’re done. That’ s how digital self-defense works today. This doesn’t really require a federal mandate… it’s a citizen’s duty!”
“That’s right, Nancy!” replies Finance Minister Lindner and proudly continues: “Despite my two clumsy hands, I’ve built my BundesBlocker myself in just a few minutes. Finally I got my freedom on the Internet back. Thank you eBlocker! It’s just a pity you don’t want investors – but luckily you can donate for your freedom…”
[Edit 02/04/22: Of course the message was an April Fool’s joke 😝]